My husband and I have been blessed in so many areas of life. We are healthy, have incredible families, amazing friends, great jobs, a beautiful home, and our 2 healthy dogs. We truly cannot complain. But yet, I still sit here asking God, why? Why hasn’t He blessed us in that area of our lives?
I watched a recent interview of Carrie Underwood (link below) in which she explained how she suffered 3 miscarriages between 2017 and 2018. Although we have never gone through a miscarriage, her interview was beyond relatable. As much as I would never wish infertility upon anyone, seeing someone as “perfect” as Carrie Underwood suffer from this makes me feel more “normal.” I know ‘perfect’ is a strong word to describe someone that you have never met. However, I have envied Carrie for years; from her beauty, to her music, to her faith, to her private personality, and most recently for her dedication to fitness. So again, by seeing someone I view as perfect go through a similar struggle makes me feel not so alone – if that even makes sense. There are days that I don’t understand why this is happening to us, so when someone in the spotlight explains they are also struggling, it helps you cope with your abnormalities.
There was one part of her interview that made me think to myself; wow, I’m not the only one feeling that way. Carrie Underwood said during her interview; “Like, really, what can I complain about? I can’t. I have an incredible husband, incredible friends, an incredible job, an incredible kid. Can I be mad? No.” Aside from the “an incredible kid” part, this is a statement I juggle with all too often.
I feel selfish for getting angry or questioning God’s timing. How can I be angry or question Him when He has blessed us is every other area of life? I will remind myself there are people in this world struggling with a lot more than we are. I have to remind myself how incredibly blessed we are. But there are some days even reminding myself, it doesn’t make this journey any easier.
We are creeping up on 3 years since we began our journey to seek help for our fertility struggles. In these 3 years, we have learned about ourselves, our marriage, different options in the infertility world and most importantly that it’s okay to be sad, angry, hopeful, happy and any other emotion you feel.
To the couples struggling, it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to feel angry and hopeful, at the same time. It’s okay to sit on your bathroom floor and cry while asking God why you received yet another negative. It’s okay to question God’s timing. It’s okay because at the end of the day this is YOUR journey, not anyone else’s.