Giving Up Is Not an Option: Part 7

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, a time that is intended to increase awareness of infertility; which affects 1 in 8 couples. We, sadly, are part of that 12.5%. This time 4 years ago we were preparing for our first round of IVF. We were so hopeful and so ready to embark on the journey to only be left with shattered hearts. I can’t help but think; “Can I do this again? Am I emotionally ready to do this again?” I don’t know. But I do know that I want a child more than anything in this world and I am ready to fight for that.

Roughly two weeks ago we had our latest meeting with the doctor in Missouri. She gave us our final test results which both came back good. This was the green light to move forward to the next step in our journey, which will be IVF. We have been asked multiple times; “straight to IVF?” And to answer those wondering; yes, we’re going straight to IVF. This doctor told us that there is a chance we could conceive a child on our own, however with both female and male issues, there’s a very low chance of success. Additionally, the doctor stated if we decided to wait my egg count and quality would continue to decrease. Thus, moving forward with IVF now will be our best chance.

These last two weeks I have been an emotional wreck. After our conversation with the doctor we were BEYOND excited. We were ready for what these next steps would bring but the excitement, for me, quickly turned to terror. We had a rough idea on how much the IVF process would be but learned with all the upgrades needed to better our chances, the price would double. I began questioning whether it was “worth it.” And then I thought, how could I even say that? If I were told I would be guaranteed a child, I would go into a million dollars’ worth of debt with no questions asked. However, there is NO guarantee. We could go into debt and come out the other end with nothing, again. Emotionally I really had to figure that out. After working through the emotions and making the decisions together with our family’s support, we are moving forward.

Once we were able to jump over that emotional hurdle, it was on to finances. With not much time to spare; since the clinic needs the money by April 29th, we needed to sort this out quickly. No pressure, right? We had a rough idea on how we were going to financially do this; however, we hit multiple road bumps on the way and time was not on our side. After multiple setbacks, we thankfully were able to figure out the financials and are looking forward to our next steps.

This past week has been an emotional roller coaster and I am trying so hard to stay positive, but man it is tough. This time around has been much more emotionally stressful than I thought. In the past two weeks I have cried more times than I’d like to admit. I have found myself sobbing in my car, in the shower, and at my desk at work; sobbing due to anger, fear, sadness, and even happiness.

As much as I would love to be transparent and share details of our next steps, emotionally I can’t be. However, I will try and update everyone as much as I can during these upcoming months. Please continue your prayers and support; it means more than you’ll ever know.

-Dani

Dear God

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